The End of Twinkies? Don't Count On It

There were a host of things that sparked my interest today: Unfaithful Generals (who could have saved themselves embarrassment by staying monogamous) and an outspoken Senator (who should have been somewhere else learning the information he claimed was denied to him). Greedy retailers who have twisted a national day of peaceful reflection and giving thanks into another day of hyperactive consumerism were also on my radar. All of these things caught my attention, and I’ll probably get back to them soon. But as I ate my bowl of fresh strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, and kiwi fruit this morning, the news reporter on TV shouted out that they were going to quit making Twinkies. Oh no!

Now everyone here knows what Twinkies are, but I have readers across the globe (not many, but some). If you are unfamiliar with the confection, it’s a cream filled sponge cake, full of fats and sugars, with enough preservatives to keep it on the shelves for months, and edible for years, if not decades. Not really healthy stuff to eat. In fact, health experts may be saying good riddance, but that’s probably premature. I’m betting we will see the return of Twinkies in the near future. As a nation, we just can’t let something so deliciously unhealthy disappear forever. They will probably be back in time for state fair season next summer, where they are a favorite of those insane carnival workers that like to deep-fry them. Yum!

The TV reporter blamed the demise of the company, makers of Wonder Bread and other goodies (that also really aren’t good for you) on "America’s healthier eating habits" and a “labor dispute”. What nonsense they try to feed us, along with their unhealthy foods. To place the blame on people eating healthier, combined with greedy workers, is like trying to blame the attack on Pearl Harbor on the Hawaiian Islands, for moving underneath the falling bombs at an inopportune moment.

Today’s corporate news-rag (our local paper), featured a little story concerning a report issued by the CDC (America’s well-respected Center for Disease Control and Prevention). It was a very small story, confined to a sidebar, and should have been given more depth and more importance. The report stated that diabetes rates are skyrocketing in the US. The biggest jump was in Oklahoma, with similar problems across the South, where the rate of diabetes since 1995 has more than tripled. But it’s not a regional problem. Here in Ohio, almost one in ten are now diabetic, a rate that has more than doubled during the past 15 years. The nation’s growing weight problem is behind the increase, according to Linda Geiss, the report’s lead author. So much for “America’s healthier eating habits”.

As for Twinkies’ “labor dispute”, I’ve been following this situation for years, with first hand information provided by some of those fine people who have now lost their jobs, health care benefits, and the pensions that they have worked a lifetime to obtain. The parent company had been taken over in a leveraged buy-out by a group of  “investors” and taken private. It’s an old story by now, repeated across the country to the detriment of our nation’s economy and for the benefit of a handful of greedy people who have learned to expertly game the system.

Shortly after the firm was acquired in a LBO, it declared bankruptcy. One of the first payments authorized by the bankruptcy judge was to provide millions of dollars in “retention bonuses” to the corporate officers in order to keep them from leaving the company. These were the guys that forced the company into bankruptcy just so they could rape it. Meanwhile, workers at the company were informed that they would need to take pay cuts and reduced benefits in order for the company to survive. Oh, the pension that they had counted on for their retirement was also cut in half. This happened when the old-timer who delivered Wonder Bread to the grocery store that I worked at was preparing to retire. He didn’t, because he couldn’t afford to, once the cuts were made. Needless to say he was a little bitter about it, but he tried to remain the same nice, loyal, company man that he had always been. The saga continued with more pay cuts, fewer benefits, lower pensions, and increased worker dissatisfaction. Another bankruptcy occurred earlier this year, and the company’s death spiral quickened. Do you really think that the greed of the workers caused this company to fail? They gave back until there was no more to give, while the new owners took until they had it all.

I have written before about the perils of Leveraged Buy-Outs and the havoc that they wreak on our nation’s economy. I really don’t understand why on earth we allow this kind of thing to continue when some simple changes to our tax laws could put an end to them and the destruction that they reap. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We are subject to the modern ‘golden rule’ in this country. The people with the gold make the rules. The rest of us are screwed. Personally, I am writing to my recently re-elected senator and asking him to put an end to leveraged buy-outs. Why don’t you do the same? It won’t take long. Next week it might be your job that needs saved.